The Difference Sinks In

In one of our face-to-face meetings, one of our instructors made a statement that made me think about whether I was in the right Master’s degree or not:

We don’t do art for the sake of art. We focus more on development.

That statement pierced me hard. I was hoping to complete a degree in communications to be able to get a broadcast or new media communications career. I was aiming for the type of career that allowed me to express what I feel, what I want. I want a career where people see me for who I am. A career where I get to entertain, even in a pseudo manner. Yeah, I once aimed to be a performer, but it seemed unlikely then; and with my current age against the requirements of the modern entertainment industry, I might not get to achieve it.

And that brought me to lower my expectations and goals to the communications or broadcast field: working in the background.

But with the paradigm of Development Communication, I feel that I made a wrong choice by enrolling in this degree program. It might not fulfill my personal goals! I knew I should’ve chosen a post-graduate mass communications degree!

Right now, I am thinking of whether or not I will continue this program in the next semester. If I don’t, what would I do? I still am not employed in a communications / broadcasting company. I doubt the units that I would have completed in this semester (nine units) would be credible enough for me to get a communications job.

But if I continue, with uncertainty for my desired career path, how can I ensure that I will get there? I need assurance. It’s a really big thing for me these days: assurance. I could apply for internship at a broadcast company, IF our dean will give me a recommendation. But realistically speaking, is there such a thing as a Master’s student applying and being accepted into an internship? Aren’t interns or on-the-job trainees just for Bachelor’s degree students? I could continue until the end of the second semester and have 18 units of a development communication degree. I think that would give me some credibility when applying for a communications-related job.

I feel self-pity creeping in the corner of my soul. It should stay away! I’m tired of that phase!

What do I do? It’s already past the half of the year and I’m nowhere near the accomplishment of my goals, which I set when this blog started! I just wish time would slow down … very, very slow … to allow me to accomplish learning necessary skills. And then, I would have a life, a career.

😦

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